All of this said...if I made a resolution it would be to make (yet another) attempt to return this blog (somewhat) to its roots. I attempted to do this a few months back by setting a day aside (hello, Friday) to get more on the topic of myself and not post (quite so) anonymously. It worked for a bit, but then I found countless ways to cop out...all the way down to just not posting at all for a few Fridays. I'm going to try to stop doing that, but I must warn you in advance I'm not particularly resolute. But, as always, if this stuff ain't your cup of tea, by all means, skip this post. But please come back Monday :).
By the way, I'm the editor...but you knew that, right?
Anyway. We're going to do a quick exercise. I want all the ladies in the room to get into groups of ten. No problem...I'll wait. All set? Okay, now look around at each other. At least one of you in your group...maybe two...is in a relationship with someone who can at least loosely be labeled (despite my distaste for such labels) as a 'cross dresser'. Okay. That was it...you can all return to your seats now.
Of course, I joke.
None of us have any idea what the real number is nor how to go about finding out what it is. And like me, I'm sure you've spent plenty of time researching exactly what that number is.
...wait, you haven't? Oh...never mind then.
The problem, of course, is how to find these people, and how to ensure an honest response. For every tall broad-shouldered man who is brave enough to strap on the skirt, heels, and makeup and strut down Main Street at midday, how many of us discretely hide the satin panties under the otherwise drab, male business attire and head out to work every day? How many guys in the lunchroom today who were incessantly droning on about the playoff game Sunday had Wolford Aston Tights under their business caz? How many of the guys in Victoria's Secret really are shopping for that wife/girlfriend they keep telling the sales clerk about? How many more are home relying upon the (somewhat) safe anonymity of the internet? Why is this utter nonsense even important to me?
I'll try to answer the last question. I guess I've been in a particularly reflective mood today (or yesterday by the time this post runs). In the exercise I opened with there would be several girls who were once among those one or two in ten who will never know they were. How do I know? Because they were in a relationship with me...and not a word on this topic ever passed through my lips. How do I feel about this? A little curious, I suppose. How would they have felt if I told them? How would I have felt if I told them? What kind of impact would it have ultimately had? While I don't typically spend a lot of time thinking about these questions, when I do, I feel a subtle twinge of regret. Ultimately these relationships came to an end for reasons that had nothing to do with anything in this post. But if things were going to end anyway...what could I have taken away from that experience? What would they have taken away from that experience?
On this particularly reflective day, as I take my seat and stare at the 9 faces around me, that are all staring back at me I wonder: how many of me are there?
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