The Duchess of York: Less is Hartmoor

The Duchess of York's most recent humiliation is not something I wish to dwell on. But I notice that the Big Speak - "Home of the World's Best Motivational Speakers, Keynote Speakers, Consultants & Trainers!", to quote - still advertises Sarah as one of their top stars, available to inspire you for a fee starting at $41,000. Her promised words on "overcoming adversity" (eg "the unrelentingly vicious British press") and "the road to an authentic life" will now possess an especial resonance, I'm sure. Her bio on the site however may need fixing.

It claims: "The Duchess of York also published her first historical romance novel called Hartmoor, which is set in 1812 and draws vividly on her own noble ancestry in Ireland."  Alas, not. For it was Madame Arcati who first reported last year that the unpublished novel, retitled Wingfield, appeared to be in trouble: I noted that Sarah's co-author, the splendidly named Dallas storyteller, Laura Van Wormer, no longer wrote of the book on her rarely updated website.

In response to my story, Laura announced in the autumn of 2009: "The Duchess and I are reconsidering our original publishing plan and are weighing a number of factors and options for the short term and also for the long run. As soon as we come to a decision about which path we are to take, you shall know straight away!" Plainly no decision has been reached for Laura has not mentioned the book since.

She'd written earlier last year: "At any rate, just to reiterate, yes, the Duchess of York and I did write a huge historical adventure novel, and yes, it has taken a long time to write, and yes, I should have definitive news for you by this summer." Perhaps she meant summer 2010?

Poor Laura. I shouldn't doubt she did most of the spade work and to date has nothing to show for it. In the meantime, the Big Speak may wish to update their public record on the duchess.

English Mentors: Flogging Brideshead dreams to the foreign rich

Channel 4 TV show The Russians Are Coming introduces me to a charming outfit called English Mentors. Imagine you're a mega-rich Russian breeder with a brat to civilise - how could you fast-track it into an English public school such as Eton or Stowe for all the global advantages that money can buy? Simples. You hand it over to English Mentors.

For a fee so substantial it warrants no mention, EM will billet your kid on an English country house and put it through short "modules" in etiquette, clay shooting, polo, English language, deportment, visits to the Palace of Westminster and BBC studios and other delights that spell Brideshead Culture. EM is purposed to create smart little foreign Englishers who can fit into public school castes.

ON EM's website chairman Field Marshall, Lord Bramall describes these modules as "discreet" and likens them to Sandhurst's officer training course. Key kiddie markets would appear to be Russian, Chinese, Middle Eastern and US. Even the Duchess Fergiana is on hand to sell EM - "I want to give my children a chance, the best possible chance," she says in the backseat of what could be a chauffeur-driven Daimler. "The demand for well paid jobs that are spiritually enriching is far outstripping supply."

Do watch the promo video. It artfully draws in royalty, the military, the English bar, the City... and the better newspapers... as privilege is put up for purchase. And it's all so wonderfully shameless.

The Duchess of York and how a Laura Van Wormer tale got turned

Being of an essentially humble disposition I am constantly amazed how my little posts on this and that get the media excited. Another example has been drawn to my attention.

Back in February I noted how the trail had gone cold on the co-authored historical novel-in-progress Hartmoor by Fergie, Duchess of York, and the delightfully named US Dallas author Laura Van Wormer. Laura saw my piece and retells on her website how it grew into something bigger. More than coincidentally, the very next day after my story ran, the Telegraph's Mandrake goss column led with: "Sarah, Duchess of York reconsiders plan to publish ’racy’ historical novel." Part of its story read: "Miss Van Wormer admits that even her friends and family are getting impatient about the book’s release which has been delayed indefinitely."

Unfortunately, the Telegraph story prompted friends and relatives of Laura to ask her why she told the paper that they were "impatient" for the book. We must infer that she didn't say this to the paper.

The Bookseller.com site then picked up the Telegraph tale with their take: "Fergie's novel hangs in the balance". So then the Royal Watch section of Monstersandcritics.com reported that Laura had spoken to the Telegraph and wrote ... "Sarah’s literary collaborator, US historian Laura Van Wormer, has admitted she is getting impatient with the delays…" Laura is hardly a historian: a historical fiction writer perhaps ....

Oh dear! Laura writes in one of her journals: "At any rate, just to reiterate, yes, the Duchess of York and I did write a huge historical adventure novel, and yes, it has taken a long time to write, and yes, I should have definitive news for you by this summer." It is now autumn. We are still waiting, Laura.

Do read Laura's fascinating website. Just for the record, I'd noticed that the publication date for Hartmoor varied on trade book sites - a clear sign of a problem. That's what prompted my story. I remain confident Hartmoor will see the light of day. Eventually.

Whatever happened to the Duchess of York's novel?

What's happened to the Duchess of York's historical novel that she apparently co-wrote with Dallas writer Laura Van Wormer? Last July I noted that Hartmoor had changed title to Wingfield and that publication had been delayed to September 4 this year. I even had to tell Amazon to update their records. They didn't.

Now I don't see the novel listed at all for publication. I may have imagined it, but on her blog last year Laura seemed just a little exhausted by it all: she didn't moan, just drew our attention to how much time the novel had taken to write, depriving her other books of her literary attention. Now in a January posting she doesn't mention the book title at all, and as for the Duchess project she has this to say: "The Duchess and I are reconsidering our original publishing plan and are weighing a number of factors and options for the short term and also for the long run. As soon as we come to a decision about which path we are to take, you shall know straight away!"

I have no idea what this means - even whether she's talking about the novel. Laura then goes onto plug upcoming books of her own, especially Riverside Park, due out in the summer. Laura's agent Loretta Barrett Books Inc still lists Hartmoor down for publication in the spring - this can't be right. There's much misinformation on websites: Borders, for example, has Hartmoor down for September 3, 2015! A slip of the key surely. The Macmillan site sheds no clue, and while Amazon.co.uk lists Hartmoor for September 4 I assume this is redundant, because Laura said last year the novel was now Wingfield.

Would someone look into this.