Madame Arcati and stargazing at The Lady

I am delighted to see that The Lady reports a 4.9% circulation rise year-on-year, one of only two weekly UK magazines still heading north. So what better time to return from my break to amplify the Independent on Sunday's goss news last weekend that I have been appointed The Lady's astrologer - I or the person who thinks he pulls my strings. Little does he know!

Do acquaint yourselves with the magazine's website and a cast of characters that includes a cat called Eric and office dog Coco. Not among the galère are the likes of Katie Price, Kerry Katona or Justin 'homosexuality is a choice' Bieber - relish such a rare and salubrious environment.

And if you have any sense take out a subscription if only to follow my horoscopes from March 22. The future will become one eternal present.

On blogging, this time around I shall be posting irregularly, when it suits me. But hang around. You could do a lot worse.