Ivana Trump: OK, she wipes her arse but what about her website?

We know she wipes her own arse because her effervescent London PR (and bff) Liz Brewer said so on Big Brother's Little Brother this weekend as Ivana settled in the Celebrity Big Brother house.

Does Ivana wipe her bottom? loyal Liz was asked by the nondescript male host, the latest incarnation of shouty laddy cool (under 30). "Of course she wipes her bottom," she said quickly before chiding Ivana's fellow giggly housemates for discourtesy to her client and telling us Ivana's looking for a new life direction now she's getting divorced (again), etc.

She may Andrex herself but in one respect at least she needs a helping hand - updating her dusty website. As a self-confessed global icon she really must set a better example (if only to other icons) and follow the template of her face with more frequent nips and tucks to her online visage.

Take her Current Activities page, for example. This was clearly written around the time of the engagement of daughter Ivanka to Jared Kushner, in mid-July last year, which she crows about. "The happy couple are keeping their plans a closely guarded secret until nearer the date they want the world to know," she reveals. Well, they married in late October, should you care. Surely Ivana could have posted her congratulations and a few pics! Very lax.

Her Public Appearances page fails to mention CBB and her Ivana Haute Couture has the faint whiff of neglected potpourri: a few of her posing portraits would not disgrace a Wham! album  - I mean, Ivana Eau De Parfum was launched in 1995, a relatively modern item: some Basenotes critic bitches claim they can't get this scent any more.

On the Reality TV Show page we are touchingly invited to watch her show Ivana Young Man - on Saturday, April 29th.

2005.

Excitedly I click to the Barrier Reef Project which Ivana promises will push back the "boundaries of luxury and opulence in a condominium development" on Queensland's Arlie Beach. Alas, a link for more info proves to be dead. It seems that as recently as 2005 this project faded into the PR grave - rather like Ivana's $150 million La Residence tower plan for glamorous Beirut.

Now, if she'd added the words "archive" and "dreams" to describe her website, I wouldn't have said a word.