i'm jusss a luvah

♥ rupperz & rainbootz

xxMollz

Madame Arcati's Top 10 Sexiest Posts of 2010!

Kevin Spacey CBE: bio post is No 1

Happy New Year, poppets! 2010 was the year Madame Arcati retired and then resurrected herself. I would love to say that my comeback owed to a public clamour but in fact, as in all things, my own moods played dictator. Blogging in itself serves no useful purpose beyond adding to the online cacophony. The only point to Madame Arcati is I get read.

Now I know you love lists, so here's my top 10 Madame Arcati posts of 2010, with a little commentary.

1. In terms of reader comments, most surprisingly popular post was my piece on the world's first Kevin Spacey (CBE, hon*.) biography, authored by famous Spaceyphile, Robin Tamblyn, click here. If you only read the books pages of our newspapers and literary mags, you'd never know that Hollywood's most secretive actor finally has an unauthorised Boswell. Self-published books always pose a challenge to book editors: who's to tell them if the book's any good? Mostly, these whores of journalism take their cues from their friends in publishing and from publishers' imprints. God knows what they'd make of the Bible were it submitted anonymously for consideration.

2. While bloggers serve no useful purpose in the general sense, they can be useful as trend muscle. So when Madame Arcati joined the online campaign against a plan to appoint Rod Liddle as editor of the Independent, one knew the war was won. Why anyone thought that a right-wing fool could be saviour of a leftish newspaper was beyond comprehension. Did someone forget to eat their spinach? So I was delighted to write the headline: "Rod Liddle won't be editing the Independent". Click here.

3. Sheila Vogel-Coupe - crazy name! This porno star and prostitute, octogenarian granny of an X Factor starlet already almost forgotten, brought tens of thousands of readers to the blog, much to my amazement. I made her my woman of the year. The link should indirectly take you to the site where you can view her engaged in various sex acts, including a copious money-shot. Click here.

4. Saddest exclusive ran on June 17 when I announced the death of Sebastian Horsley. A few journalists thought I'd made it up. A mutual friend tipped me off instead of running to the newspapers. I think Sebastian would have approved. I'm still getting over the photo of him having sex with an amputee - I wonder if I should put it up. Click here.

5. Another surprisingly popular read was my post "Rachel Johnson's A Diary Of The Lady: Masterly at the authorial hand-job". Rachel, editor of the old cunties' weekly The Lady, wrote me a fan letter informing me that Madame Arcati had a page in her book. How expertly she plays the ego. It was only correct that I review the tome, click here. Her book is a Madame Arcati favourite bathroom read along with Albert Speer's memoirs and a bio of Anna Wintour.

6. Most cynical post of the year was "Justin Bieber's penis: a post-modernist approach to blogging". I'd read that the tiny virgin megastar was one of the most searched names on Google so I Arcatised him to draw in a new generation seeking celebrity cock. They will have been disappointed but enlightened of irony, blogging, journalism and celebrity obsession. Click here.

7. "Reward Showbiz™: The 10 most pointless celebrity books and TV shows" proved a lure. So many TV shows and books are created simply to reward celebrity, just ask Joanna Lumley or Michael Palin. So this spawned yet another sleb list. Click here. Sorry.

8. Kate Reardon's appointment as Tatler editor introduced me to the concept of a spinning vagina. I offer this piece as an antidote to churnalism - the writing-up of PR announcements in our newspapers. Click here.

9. Duncan Fallowell gifted me a wonderful anecdote about the fashion designer Valentino; something about his elaborate relationship with the wind. Click here.

10. Permanent fiancee Molly Parkin published her Mollywood memoirs this year, and included in them a sweet, true reminiscence about the two of us. I'm sorry her family don't take us seriously: but that's what families are for, to look out for one. Read my review, Dodging the Conventional Cunts: click here. Do follow the labels on Molly: her interview with me on cocks and spirituality could change your life. In February 2011 all of Moll's erotic novels are reissued by Beautiful Books - they're as freshly witty, sexy and funny as the day they were born.

And on that note, have an austerity-free 2011 under the most miserable and wretched of governments. x

*Shouldn't he have got a knighthood, hon.?

chill

thanks to T-Money for takin mah pichurez

The weather is doing this fantastic thing where it's sunny and clear but IT'S INSANELY EFFIN COLD. Fortunately, it's completely conducive to layered dressing, which I've been loving more than I ever realized.

Took a trip to South Coast Plaza with Trista @ Style in Suburbia. Oh my Lord, I hate hate hate shopping. Luckily for her, I love her. So I go with her where she asks of meh.

wearing an h&m cotton/linen scarf, thrifted blazer (BEST thing to thrift I swear), Lanston "Boyfriend" top, AG "Edie" pant, Lacoste purse, and Max Studio boots

xxMollz

Nick Clegg looks like a man who shouts 'sorry' before he cums

Nick Clegg, right

Or so Frankie Boyle joked last night.

Madame Arcati: There's only one actress who can play me (& she's dead)

Angela Lansbury: Me as Art Deco

My thanks to the American astrologer and investigative journalist Eric Francis for unearthing this splendid photo of Angela Lansbury posing as me. I interviewed him earlier this year - and to appreciate his singular views on the joys of self-sex, click here.

Lansbury projects elegant goofiness for fans of the Art Deco period; and I'm confident that her Madame Arcati (in last year's staging of Blithe Spirit) pleased fans of TV whodunits. But there's the problem: elegance. Only that scrumptious, asymmetrical gargoyle Dame Margaret Rutherford captured the essential wilful otherliness of me in the black & white movies: Arcati is not just some harmless fruitcake with fidgety mannerisms but an ideological warrior of the drawing room who happens to summon up spirits.

She is the timeless crank always proven right. Julian Assange, please take note.

I realise that such ideas are traumatic to diddumsy secular critics who take their scripture from sexy tabloid traditionalist Dr Brian Cox. So as New Year looms I'll move on as an act of charity.

Margaret Rutherford: Me me me

Also, Madame Arcati has no business being tall. This is where Penelope Keith went wrong when I saw her play me at the Savoy Theatre a few years back. I've always regarded tallness as faintly ridiculous and excess to requirements, such as in British Prime Ministers. Only haberdashery shop assistants need to be tall. Madame Arcati does not do excess.

At the Savoy I sat behind Nicky Haslam who wore a thick fur coat throughout the performance even though the theatre was properly heated. From the wafting odour I adjudged that his coat required laundering. But I was too polite to say.

holly daze

ph. via joy newell and trista emma

A sparkling Christmas Eve Eve bash filled with bourbon ginger snaps and spiked hot chocolate, burnt (oops) rosemary buttered popcorn, way too much homemade food, Elf, Lady getting plenty of attention (deservedly so), ridiculously good looking people, several outfit changes (how I ended up in faux uggs and a fur coat at 2am idevenk...), an impromptu photosesh with Trista (if this isn't an epitomic photographic representation of good and evil idk wut iz), clumsy dancing, snuggling under plush blankets on the heated patio, holiday toasts, and twinkle lights just about everywhere.

Needless to say it was a miraculously glorious evening.

Wearing YSL ankle strap heels (generously lent to me by Trista), J. Crew necklace worn as a headpiece (thanks again to Trist and having a curiously small head), Betsey Johnson opaque tights, and the Indah "Cold Shoulder" tunic

Hope everyone else is having a lovely hollydayy. Kisses.

xxMollz

Wednesday Celebrity: Zooey Deschanel

I'll be the first to admit the feature about Zooey that jumps out to me first are her eyes. They are quite amazing. But, as is almost always the case with me, I love her cause she is almost always rocking the leg wear.

I first fell in love with her for her role in (500) Days of Summer. I thought she looked incredible in almost every scene. So much so that I was even willing to forgive her for The Happening.

This isn't going to be the sexiest post I've ever had. But I love the fact that she can look great, even when not doing a sexy photo shoot.

Tights Tuesday: Tiffany Quinn MacKenzie Tartan Tights Review

A review? Could it really be?

I hope everyone had a great holiday, and a nice weekend. I have successfully managed to dig myself out from beneath the snow mound I had been under since sometime Sunday afternoon. Good times.

I realize it's been forever since I've actually spoken from experience when profiling any of the products that have hit this blog of late. I have to admit there's been more washing and re-wearing than buying going on these days.

But here is a product worth getting excited about for a variety of reasons. I've said this a few times before, but I really have to thank my friends at UK Tights for their seemingly endless range of products on their website. As is often the case, they are the only site I know of that carries Tiffany Quinn. Tiffany Quinn is a new name to me. I've always enjoyed the use of color and patterns that Tiffany Quinn is known for, but I'd yet to actually experience the product first-hand. Knowing what I do now, it won't be the last.

The tartan tights come in an almost endless assortment of color combinations. I opted for the black and yellow pictured here. I like the black and yellow because, together, I almost feel like they combine to create a brown or beige-ish color. As you can see from the picture, they go well with black, but they would really go well with just about any color you might want to wear with them. I always appreciate when tights can have a unique pattern and yet still remain versatile. I've been seeing this pattern around more and more lately, but Tiffany Quinn may just be doing it better than anybody.

For someone like me, who always gravitates towards the sheer-er tights, these tights are also great for a day I am having like today where there is (lots) of snow on the ground and the temperatures are well below freezing. They are 40 denier, so they are a tiny bit sheer, but they are opaque enough to keep my legs warm on a day where most of the rest of my body is freezing. They are also among the softest feeling tights I've tried and they have a good amount of stretch and durability, and yet still retain their pattern well.

These tights are one size, which can sometimes be a red flag for me as my legs are longer and somewhat athletic from all of the running I do. Fortunately these fit quite comfortably. The UK Tights website provides a size chart which states that these tights would fit up to dress size 16. I would imagine that this would be the case. I'm 5'10" and these might even be able to fit someone slightly taller than myself. When I took them out of the package I was surprised to see that they don't have a waistband. Despite this, however, they fit comfortably and stay in place all day long. I've mentioned it already, but they really do feel great.

The tights are made of 94% nylon and 6% elastane. Perhaps the best part about them, is the price tag. At £5.95 ($9.17 USD) a pair, you really can get as many different colors as you want.

I may be heading back to get more, myself.

Magdalena Frackowiak: Muse December 2010

This week, my new model obsession is: Magdalena Frackowiak.

The Polish-born fashion model is currently ranked number 13 on the models.com Top 50 list, and has featured prominently in the recent Ralph Lauren, Alessandro Dell'Acqua, and Oscar de la Renta print campaigns.

Magdalena has been on the cover of Italian, German, Japanese, and Russian Vogue and Numéro, with Vogue Paris declaring her one of the top 30 models of the 2000s. She even walked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show this year, and featured in the 2011 Pirelli Calendar photographed by Karl Lagerfeld. Swoon.

Here she is as covergirl - with a racy photoshoot to boot - for the December 2010 issue of US Muse magazine.

Rupert Everett mocks 'tasteless romcom flops' queen Jennifer Aniston

Rupert Everett: Reduced to drag

Rupert Everett put Jennifer Aniston in her cosmic place this morning in an interview on BBC Radio 4's Today show. He named her as one of a number of stars who, despite movie turkeys galore, are regarded by showbiz movers as the "right people for their business" - ie heterosexually alluring - "and will stick by them for quite a while."

He explained: "OK, something will go wrong, like Jennifer Aniston will have one too many total flops but she's still a member of that club, like a star forming in the universe; a whole lot of things swirling around and suddenly solidifying into yet another vital tasteless romcom: a little glitter next to the Crab Nebula."

Rupes was moaning again about Hollywood homopobia and how gay actors are better off in the closet - a view echoed by Richard Clamberlain today who, incidentally, has yet to publicly acknowledge that he was the love of the life of the late astrologer Patric Walker. Because straight male actors like Colin Firth are now landing the yummy queer parts, gay stars like Rupes are reduced to "drag". Blissfully he described himself as "marooned on St Trinian's."

A leading British producer had told Ed Victor, Rupes' sleb-hag literary agent, that he'd love to cast Everett in a movie but... "there is nothing for him." He thinks of Rupes as just a "muscly queen".

Thank God for Hollywood homophobia. But for that and Rupert Everett would just be another Hugh Grant or Colin Firth, cling-filmed mumblers out of the DNA style manuals. The grate of prejudice has sharpened Rupes' wits, replaced a sense of entitlement with edge. One of the results is a splendid diversity of work, not just movie titles selling recycled cock-cuntery plots. Arise Lord Rupes of Chipping Sodbury!

Listen to Rupes' interview here while it lasts.

BOSSWORTHY

images courtesy (mostly) of JustJared

J A C K P O T.

Your Kate Bosworth wetdream.

The gal literally always gets it right. It's no wonder we're all so obsessed with her. I saw one photo of her last night that excited me so fervently I spent the following 2 hours greedily collecting paparazzi shots of her. I edited this selection down from about 60 images I snatched from the web. So yeh. It's your lucky day.

xxMollz