Lana Turner still screaming beyond the grave

Lana Turner

As all the action on this site is happening over a post I put up last year on the pathetic Madeleine Foundation - its Express-reading rabble fans think I'm Dame Antichrist (titter) - I suppose I should keep things going up top. Just as I am about to give up for the day - even I am sometimes stilled by a lack of wind - a newsletter from a New York-based medium plops into my inbox. Among its many themes: the late Hollywood siren and MGM queen Lana Turner.

What a great name. The only other Lana I've ever heard of is Lana Lang, the redtop bitch rival of Lois Lane for Superman's cock. Anyone called Lana must be a case.

Anyhow, the newsletter. It's from a medium called Elizabeth Baron ("Liz"). She's quite well known in psychic circles. Her guardian angel is St Catherine of Siena, and Liz believes in aliens. In her latest epistle she tells of a seance she held at the Palace Theatre in NY before an audience of Broadway queens. The plan was to contact the spirit of Judy Garland. Unfortunately the dead diva was so fashionably late she didn't turn up at all. Lana - an old neighbour of Judy in life - did instead.

Liz reports: "Lana Turner came through screaming at her dead husband for molesting her daughter. One of the stars knew her daughter and passed on Lana's cry to her for forgiveness."

Lana was married eight times to seven men so her screaming fit must have been at her fourth hubby, Tarzan star Lex Barker. Lana's daughter, Cheryl Crane, alleged his sexual assaults in her 1988 autobio Detour: a Hollywood Tragedy - My Life With Lana Turner, My Mother. Doubtless Liz is well acquainted with this work lest we imagine Lana was offering an exclusive here.

Cheryl Crane

It's awful to think Lana's still screaming at Lex after all these years. And since Lana and Cheryl were reconciled in 1981 it seems odd that Lana seeks forgiveness through a medium, even though she threw Lex out at the point of a gun when she learnt of the abuse. And last year Cheryl wrote the affectionate Lana: the Memories, the Myths, the Movies which, as the Sunday Times put it, "is a celebration of her mother’s extreme beauty ... in a touching way, it’s also a deliberate act of forgiveness."

There, Lana. You're forgiven. No need to trouble Liz anymore.

(And here's Cheryl's estate agency website in Palm Springs. On her books is this delightful property below in Los Altos, CA. A snip at just under $5m)