Duncan Fallowell: 'My Russian Eurovision failure'

Dear Madame Arcati
Alas my attempts - with your help - to give the queens of Russia a jokey anthem in time for the Eurovision Song Contest have failed. In the event not one of the Russians who contacted me dared set those lyrics to music, not even for a laugh. In the light of current events one can see why and the lyrics remain as relevant as ever.
With best wishes, Duncan Fallowell

Dear Duncan
This is sad news to be sure. With Putin (or the Puta as I prefer to call him) around, is it any wonder? Consider yourself lucky that he didn't kiss you on the tum or burn your house down. My success in ridding Eurovision of Terry Wogan was some kind of service to humanity. But the installation of Graham Norton was the last straw: plainly the BBC still fails to invest sufficient seriousness in its coverage: we must prepare ourselves for a drone of witticisms as the Gin Sours take effect. The UK/Lloyd-Webber entry is beyond pathetic. Long live Russia!
Love MA x

Moscow riot police breakup gay demo prior to Eurovision, click here

Eurovision 2009: Another pretty boy for the Euro-tarts

Norway's Alexander Rybak is the worthy winner with Fairytale - a catchy, fiddle-driven pop ballad. The UK did better than I expected - pity about Jade colliding with the violinist. My second favourite mishap was last year Euro-victor Dima Bilan's flailing annoyance when his jacket got caught up in his hoist rope. He's not so pretty now, especially with the hideous dyed brown hair and cascade raggedy cut. Norton got sharper as the evening progressed even if he mocked a fatso: Sandi Toksvig would have been better as commentator. At least he didn't sound bitter. The fab high-tech stage was overall winner. The Moscow riot police overall loser for their homophobia.