London Evening Standard relaunched: 78 year-old man in rescue mission

As a celebrant of elderliness, Madame Arcati has decided to reverse her previous toxic opinion of editor Geordie Greig in the light of his new London Evening Standard relaunched today.

For at the apex of the neo-goodies on display is Tom Wolfe, 78, messiah of the not-so-New Journalism, and author of a lengthy "world exclusive" for the paper titled The rich have feelings too... - a showcase of Wolfe's schtick - the italics, the capitals, the pastiche demotic, the love letter dressed up as satire - which doubtless has made many other fossils nostalgic for his brand of literary nattering on. The work, comic in intention if not effect, is all about fallen super-wealthy cunts divested of their private Lear Jets, now forced to use the Gatwicks and Heathrows of the world and queue with us commoners. Not quite Swiftian is all I'll say. But nice to see the old boy still in his white suit.

Complementing this heavy-weight contribution from Gotham is... Sam Leith in his Monday debut as a weekly columnist. I was recently less than impressed by his gossy colleague Sebastian Shakespeare. I now have reason to revise this opinion. Sam today loses his ES columnal cherry with this opening original piece of writing: "The devil, as a wise man said, is in the detail." I wonder how long it took him to think that one up. Shakespeare, you're rehired!

I thought the front page splash quite original: a news story all about a very rich man with a "secret common-law wife and child" reluctant to give his betrayed ex-wife £11m. While the rest of the UK media froth about MPs' expenses and other trifles, Mr Greig betrays his true love: the rich and their doings. Expect more long-winded soap on the loaded. What's Lord Linley up to these days ever since that other matter got covered up?

In other news, I learn that the let-go theatre critic Nicholas de Jongh was on a £120k contract and has a £38k pension pot. That's an extraordinary amount of money, all deserved I'm sure. A new theatre reviewer is sought. One can only hope that Sam Leith is on nothing like that amount, if only for the sake of the paper. Though I'm sure Wolfe's piece was VERY EXPENSIVE.

Sebastian Shakespeare: Let's make him soooo famous

The Standard's gossipy little writer Sebastian Shakespeare appears to be fame-famished, the poor poppet. He recently told his public (the Hon Vanessa Kensington and her chihuahua, Paree) that he had ignited a huge row on Twitter because he'd said something original, like, tweeting's only a fad. Alas, the controversy just missed my cognisance, but I'm sure Vanessa and Paree ran their digits (and paw pads) raw in his defence.

I think I'm right in saying that he edits Londoner's Diary, but now he fancies himself as a celebrity columnist. The good news is that he can only get better. Today, for instance, he reveals he lunched at the Ritz. That in itself could be interesting, I suppose (I can't recommend the Ravioli of Pumpkin with Ceps and New Season Truffle highly enough) but then he goes and ruins it by adding "that most iconic of British hotels made famous by Julia Roberts in Notting Hill."

That's a bit like saying that one has visited a pyramid "in Egypt", y'know, the pyramid made iconic by Peter Ustinov's Poirot when he mopped his brow within sight of one in Death On The Nile. We can safely affirm that the Ritz was iconic long before Julia played a whore and lived happily ever after, shopping. He also affects to be down with the kids like his colleague Anne "fessed up" McElvoy by informing us that he lives in the same"'hood" as David Cameron. The Tory leader gets a name-check en route to Sebastian's elegy for his unblooming rooftop wisteria.

Incidentally, if Sebastian is still editing Londoner's Diary, he may want to make a correction or two. Jason Cowley is the editor of the New Statesman, not Paul Johnson. As a contributor to the magazine, he ought to know. And I don't quite get the opening sentence to the Nicholas Coleridge item: "Do you view the recession in black or white?" True, Coleridge's novel (the title is of no consequence) comes in two shades but what has that got to do with the recession? It's not mentioned again in the story which brings the surprising news that the tome was edited.

But how sweet of Sebastian to promote Nicholas' novel. It's only to be expected of one who also is the books editor of Tatler, whose MD is, er, Nicholas. An unavoidable synergy I'm sure.

I do hope my comments prove constructive. Meanwhile, send a link to this story to 10 websites and help to make Shakespeare iconic.